*pokes ur cheek*
you sure are cute
I’m sleepy and I wish I was kissing you.
Hold my fucking hand, loser. We’re using the buddy system for the rest of our lives.
It’s amazing how a person can come into your life and change your whole perception.
for my final trick, i shall turn into a disappointment
I’m surrounded by people who just wanna get blackout drunk for fun. Like nah man. Let’s go camping or take a road trip or do some stuff we haven’t done before. I wanna live.
i’ve been trying to explain this sketch to people for years
there is literally no way to explain this sketch it’s just a thing you have to see and even then I’m not sure why it’s so funny
some of you are so shallow basing who you want to date purely off looks, you have to consider other qualities about the person too like do they have lots of money, do they drive a nice car etc
I miss you but you seem just fine without me.
crushes are great until you realize that they’ll never be interested in you
Even if we’re married for 23 years,
I still want you to flirt with me.
I love spontaneous sex. Like when you’re just watching tv and chatting and then you lean over to kiss her cheek but she kisses you back and pulls off your top and then she’s on top of you and whoops sexy times.
I tried so hard, but I just wasn’t enough.
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